Afraid Of Your Own Mind?

I went on a ten day meditation retreat in March. During the retreat I sat in silence with all my past memories and menacing thoughts creeping up. In the beginning I was reacting to every thought and memory, experiencing intense emotions and sensations. By the end of the experience I was able to watch things pop up in my mind without reacting or avoiding. Even the scariest and most horrible times of my life I was able to be with.

I realized that during the retreat I had learned how to not fear my own mind. That I could observe my mind and not react to what comes up. The other day though I had lapsed back into reacting and fearing my own thoughts and memories. I was having a conversation with a friend about a past situation where I experienced pain and suffering.

As we were speaking I could feel my heart flinching to avoid the feelings and thoughts that were resurfacing. I could feel the pain and hurt rushing up about to consume me. I had an instant thought “oh my god I don’t want to think about this”. All I wanted to do was avoid thinking or feeling.

I was not about to let my fears get the best of me. I took a stand and said to myself “OK” whatever needs to come up I can handle and be with. I will give these thoughts and emotions a space to be. A couple more passing considerations came up and I just observed them. Then the thoughts and feelings changed. I was no longer having thoughts about the past or being flooded with memories.
After that brief experience I thought about how often people avoid memories for fear of reliving the pain and not being able to escape disempowering thoughts. But as I learned in the retreat there is another way that you can deal with your past suffering and repetitive undesirable thoughts. I will share with you what I do when I experience undesirable thoughts or painful memories.

First allow yourself to be with what comes up. You might not like what you are thinking or remembering but try not to just stuff it down and avoid it. If you stuff it down you give more power to your fears. Then at the most unexpected time the thoughts and memories resurface because the issue is unresolved and needs to be cleared.

Your mind can be intimidating and feel like your worst enemy at times. I believe most suffering comes from your reactions to thoughts and emotions. In the experience I shared above the conversation was bringing up my old wounds and my reaction was “oh no I can’t handle this” and wanting to stuff it down. But the fact was we were just having a conversation and I was not in real danger.

If a memory comes up or undesirable thoughts and you start to react just observe your reaction. What allowed me not to fall into a dis-empowering space was that I had started to observe how I was reacting and it became intriguing instead of scary.

Assess your feelings and the sensations in your body. When you observe you take yourself out of the reactor role and place yourself in the observer role. Observing creates peace and calmness even when something unpleasant is happening.

If you choose to be with what comes up and face the lion it will disappear before your eyes. Accept your past regardless of what you did or what someone did to you and truly accept it as history. The memories and menacing thoughts won’t scare you and have power over you if you can be at peace with your past.

Memories can often feel real and that is why the fears surface and attempt to protect you from danger. When a memory creeps up remind yourself that you are safe now and that you are not in real danger.

Breathing is a great technique for getting centered when you are experiencing a flood of emotions and reactions. I remember having obsessive thoughts about bad break-ups and getting so frustrated when my mind would start ruminating over the past and what went wrong. The next step is one I always find to help bring peace into my sometimes chaotic mind.

If you are brooding and pondering about the past you are not in the now. Every time you catch yourself spacing out into these thoughts take a breath. Breathing is the simplest and one of the most effective ways to access the now. Your attention is diverted to the now and the now is not concerned with the past or future.

I hope my tips will be helpful but my suggestions should not be used in place of professional help such as therapy. These tips are meant to support you in the moment when troubling thoughts and past memories start to flood your mind. However these tips are not meant to replace the sacred and powerful support of a professional help in dealing with difficult issues.

I guess you could view this is as kind of a disclaimer but also as encouragement not to substitute self-improvement books and articles for one on one help and/or group support. I have worked with many different types of professionals to help me get past things that were blocking me and causing suffering in my life. As much as I love reading SI books and listening to audios I have never experienced the effectiveness and results from them as I have from working with a therapist or taking a seminar. So if you are stopped or blocked by repetitive thoughts or a past experience consider getting the support of a professional person or organization.

Your assignment for this week:

1. If your mind gets flooded with memories of painful past experience or undesirable thoughts try not to avoid what is coming up.

2. Place yourself in the observer role. If you have a reaction to what is happening in your mind observe your reaction to the thoughts and physical sensations.

3. If a memory is coming up that causes you to experience fear remind yourself you are safe now and there is nothing threatening you.

4. Breathe, if you are experiencing a past memory or undesirable thought you are not in the now so take deep breaths and center yourself.

5. These tips are meant to serve you in the moment and not meant to heal long standing issues that have been blocking you in life. Do not be afraid to get the support of a professional. Visit my resources page and you can also see different seminars I have taken that I found to be very effective.

Melisa