Vulnerability

Image by exfordy

The dictionary says vulnerability is “without adequate protection”, “susceptible to injury or attack”, “physically or psychologically weak”. With this definition in our cells, is it any wonder that we resist being vulnerable?

It’s true that being vulnerable emotionally is being without the protection of our defenses. Yet, it is also an opportunity to experience ourselves in a place of authenticity, self-responsibility, empowerment and freedom.

Once we stand before another and take off all our masks there is nothing left for others to rip off. Once we expose ourselves there is nothing for another to expose, to poke at, or to tear open. This may be a difficult concept to grasp especially if we have been deeply wounded. Our innocence may have been so traumatized that showing our sensitivity is really scary. Yet, it is possible and important to heal this fear because the richness of our relationships depends on how vulnerable we allow ourselves to be.

Made simple, being vulnerable means showing and telling another what is really going on for you. It is about what you are feeling, not what you are thinking, judging, or “feeling” about the other and what s/he has said or done. It is empowering to express what is deeply true for you regardless of what the other person has said or done or what they might say or do.

I have recently been in a friendship in which I  shared as purely and vulnerably as I ever have in my life. The person could not do the same in return. I  felt shame, anger and sadness and I  expressed it…..to silence at the other end. It hurt but it doesn’t matter. I have grown. It’s not easy to express in the face of silence because you don’t know at all what is going on for the other but I did so because I knew it was my learning to have the courage to tell what was true for me….no matter what. My learning was to value my feelings and express them even in the silent ambiguity.

Growing into vulnerability is a process. There is no way “to do it” other than allowing yourself to unfold from the inside out.

START by determining what it is that really frightens you and shuts you down. It may be anger, criticism, judgment or ridicule but underneath it all look for shame. That’s usually the culprit. Start with little steps in social situations like telling the truth of whether or not you like something instead of hiding behind a more pat answer.

PROGRESS to expressing a feeling in a straightforward way. “I feel sad” not “because”, “because you….”, “you always….” “you make me…..”. Anything that comes after “I feel…” clutters up the energy and keeps the truth hidden. Keep your statement clear and simple.

OBSERVE yourself as you go through these steps. You will feel good about yourself. You will feel freedom as your energy loosens, and you will feel empowered because you have given yourself the gift of acknowledging and valuing your feelings. Who could ever do it better than you?