The Energy in Your Voice

Image by Julian Rod

How we use words is extremely important in how we relate to other people. Equally important, and much less discussed, is the energy behind our words. An example is the best way to illustrate this.

Pam wanted her roommate to move. The roommate was also her best friend. Part of Pam really wanted to have her space back and part of her wanted the roommate to stay. Although she said the words, “I want to have my space back” there was a wobble in her voice energy because creeping in from behind was the feeling, “I really want you to stay.” Needless to say, there was no movement until it became clear to Pam that she would have to make a choice in her heart. Once she did, the words stayed the same but the energy was much clearer and within a week the roommate had found another space. Coincidence? No. It’s called energy!!

It is very important to pay attention to the energy behind words. When the words are being directed at us, we sense the energy and respond accordingly but we may not be as aware of our own energy when we speak.

Explore this while listening to others. If someone is asking for something, do you get the sense that it is a direct, clear request or does it sound like they are hoping to get something? Are they asking clearly for what they want or trying to convince the other to give it to them? Are they wanting approval that what they want is okay or asking for permission to have what they want? In other words, is there an energy in the voice that is saying, “Pleeease give me what I want” and/or “I want you to be okay with what I want.” These silent statements create a weakness in the energy empowering the listener and disempowering the speaker.

Listen also when someone is telling another to do something. Is there authority in the voice? Does the person mean what s/he is saying? Or is the energy of the voice one of hoping, begging, cajoling, or manipulating?

We’ve all had the teachers who never had to raise their voice to get control and the ones who raged at full volume and never got control. We’ve also witnessed parents telling their kids what to do and yet sounding like they are pleading with them to discipline themselves. The words may be appropriate but the conviction is not in the voice.

What kinds of messages are you sending? Does the energy you are feeling match your words? If you are asking for something, are you clear and direct and willing to accept the answer, whether you like it or not? Or, are you asking with hope or agenda in your voice?

If you are telling someone to do something, check out if there is a question mark in your voice betraying a fear of completely exerting your authority. If you tell someone to do something with a question in your voice, s/he might not do it and you’ll get angry while the truth is that s/he “energetically” got the message that it was okay to disregard your request. Would you believe you?

Start paying attention to your words and what energy might be silently lurking underneath. You might be amazed at what you’ll find!