Being Alone

Being alone is something that some of us have to work at. However, there is a distinction to be made between being physically alone and filling in the void, and being alone and enjoying your own company. You can be physically alone yet avoid being “with” yourself by filling in the silence with TV, the internet, or phone calls. In spending time alone what is important is to spend that time feeling as if you were with a friend. It doesn’t matter if you are “doing” something or just hanging out and enjoying your own company. Once you have learned how to be comfortably alone with yourself, it makes it a lot easier to be in a healthy relationship.

When you know how to be alone and be peaceful doing so, you won’t be needy or dependent on another for your peace of mind. If you don’t know how to be alone, you’re always going to need somebody to be with you and, inevitably, no one person can be available to you at all times, leaving you feeling shaky and anxious.

Pay attention to your level of comfort at being alone and practice being by yourself. What do you want to do? How peaceful do you feel? Are you tempted to turn something on to break the silence? How long can you sustain it?

Notice yourself and how you are feeling and then ask how this translates into your relationship. Do you need the other to keep you occupied? Can you be in silence with another? Are you anxious if the other person isn’t around?

If it is difficult to spend time with yourself, it is a good idea to start doing so even in little steps like turning the TV off for an hour, eating dinner in silence, not making that non-essential phone call. Gradually, you will savor these moments alone because you are spending them with the best person possible and you will bring a richer self to all your other relationships.

Marina