You Have To Ask

Do you find it hard to ask for what you want? Most people are not comfortable with asking for what they want. Your mind comes up with many reasons why you shouldn’t ask. Someone may not like you for asking. You are asking for too much. Also, there is a big fear of being told no. Even with the most insignificant requests your mind creates fears and beliefs that no is a form of rejection.

Making requests can be confronting but if you want to be successful you must develop the skill of asking. Many clients get stopped in their tracks when I ask them to make requests. The fear of looking bad and being rejected is overwhelming. What I remind my clients is that the person may say no, and that no is not rejection.

People frequently do not make requests and then get offended by the other person’s lack of consideration. They feel upset for not getting something they want out of a relationship that they have never asked for. Holding a belief that the other person should know what you want.
When you sense yourself getting angry with someone for not giving you what you want first ask yourself, “have I made a clear request?” I remember I used to hold a little resentment toward a close friend because when we were eating she would always take the last piece of food. I used to say to myself, “who does she think she is always taking?”

I never asked for the last piece and when she asked me if I wanted it I would say no. I felt jealous that she always felt worthy enough to ask for what she wanted. My mind tricked me into thinking she was being selfish and taking from me. The reality was that belief let me off the hook from having to ask and face my fears of possibly looking bad and being rejected.

My fear for people’s opinions about me held more weight than fulfilling my desires. I didn’t want people to think I was greedy and pushy. I would hold off making requests and walk around with much resentment toward others.

The more I wanted to grow my confidence the more I saw I had to ask for what I wanted and that took some training. First I changed my negative belief system around asking for things to a positive belief system. Also I altered the way I viewed being told no. Instead of making it personal and a form of rejection I began to see it as just an answer not validation for my worth and value.

Making requests will help you learn how to fulfill your pleasure making your overall experience of life more satisfying. In addition, making requests is also how you learn to be powerful in getting what you want. I have heard people say rude comments about rich people such as “they always think they can ask and get whatever they want.” Many rich people are rich because they know how to ask for what they want and feel deserving.

From now on look at asking for what you want as a way to grow your confidence and be powerful. Replace the negative beliefs and fears around what asking means and being told no with a positive belief system. Grow this skill by starting with little things like asking for help with washing the dishes. In time the bigger requests won’t seem so frightening.

Your assignment for this week:

1. What area of your life do you frequently hold back asking for what you want?

2. What beliefs and fears do you have about making requests?

3. Re-program your mind by creating positive beliefs such as powerful successful always ask for what they want. I am worthy and deserving of what I want.

4. Start with asking for small things first. This will build your confidence and with time making requests wont’ feel as intimidating.

Melisa