Change What You See

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer

This is one of my favorite quotes. You could say that I help my clients look at their lives differently. Clients not only change areas of their life but also alter the way they view their life. Changing the way they view things creates a whole new experience of their life.

For example, I was working with one client and she was sharing with me how she gets annoyed with her mother. Some of her mother’s behavior she finds irritating. She usually loses her cool and gets snippy and rude with her mother. She does not like to be that way but she feels like she cannot control herself.

I do not know one person who could not relate to the situation above. It may not be with your mother, but maybe it is with your brother or partner. Regardless, you have a fixed way of viewing people and situations in your life. You have made up reasons and assumptions for certain behaviors or circumstances that justify your resentment.
Although there are people in our lives that can drive us crazy there is something you should know. They do not drive you crazy and they are just being themselves. What drives you crazy is the meaning you give to what they do and the judgments you make about what they do.
If you can create meaning about what they do that frustrates you and upsets you, why not make a meaning up that empowers you? A meaning that totally shifts the way you see the person. Usually you can even find a meaning that is closer to the truth.

With my client I advised her to view what her mother does as a way to express love. Even though it may be annoying and occur as controlling it is stemming from love. Once she took on that perspective, the interactions with her mother changed. Her mother did not stop doing what she does however, my client stopped reacting to her behaviors as irritating but her loving her daughter.

I shared in recently how I used to waitress while I was building my business. I explained how I resisted it and resented it at first. I had a fixed view of what I thought it meant to work in a restaurant and serve tables. This disempowering view caused me a lot of suffering.
When I changed the way I looked at waitressing and the meaning I gave it the experience started to shift. The restaurant stayed the same however my experience was completely altered because I was looking at it through a completely different lens.

If someone you love gets on your nerves or there is a situation you are frustrated with, try changing the way you look at it. What are some other meanings you could give that would empower you and bring more peace?

Your assignment for this week:

1. What area of your life or person have you been frustrated or irritated with?

2.Come up with a different meaning and perspective for their behavior or circumstances.

Example: eating healthy is difficult and does not taste good. Instead you could say eating healthy is a way to love yourself and it is easy and fun to make tasty delicious nutritious food.

3. Don’t always trust your first perspective and judgment. Always be curious to look for another perspective and one that empowers you.

Melisa